Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
