So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
