This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
