I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Randomize
