Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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