She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
