I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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