but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
