worst night to have a conscience
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think I sprained my soul last night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
