I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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