So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
