I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
