i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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