allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
