Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Come share oat with me in your robe
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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