I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
