She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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