he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
