I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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