apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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