Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
