i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
