The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
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