I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
