dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
