he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
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you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
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Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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