Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
