I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
