Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
