Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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