I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My bed smells like the plague
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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