dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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