On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
