she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You can't motorboat a personality
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
