Kiss
Puke
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
