this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
