I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
