after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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