she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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