I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
