Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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