what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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