mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
stop calling my apartment porn island.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
