What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
