hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
