wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
