I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She said her name was "party"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
