Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize