I will die if light touches me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
