we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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