ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize