I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
