Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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