this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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