Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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