Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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