Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
