i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
third nipple confirmed
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
