The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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