woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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