I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
