I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
