Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
