I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
