you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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