Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
