I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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