Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize