its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
