if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The air was thick with penises
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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