You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
