there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
