i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
