How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
