Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
